Why I broke up with alcohol at age 49
My last glass of wine was in August last year - which means it’s been 6 months since I touched a drop of alcohol. I can honestly say it’s been one of the best changes I’ve made to my life in recent years.
My history with alcohol probably sounds familiar if you’re a fellow Gen Xer reading this. It started off with a lot of drinking at university - beer (which I never really liked the taste of), spirits and cheap wine, usually all 3 in any one night. Then there was the clubbing phase where party drugs were layered on top of alcohol. I shudder when I think back to those days…
From my mid twenties to early thirties, I became slightly more sensible in my alcohol consumption. More money meant I could afford to drink nice wine, usually with good food. Drinking was a big part of most social occasions, especially living the city life in Auckland, Sydney and eventually London. Not having kids meant I could still enjoy the occasional big night out, knowing I had the luxury of being able to have a lie-in the next day and then go and sweat it out in the gym.
Once I became a mum at age 36, my usual pattern became a couple of glasses of wine at the weekend, with the occasional midweek glass after a particularly stressful or tiring day. That pattern lasted a good 10 or so years and I never really had a problem with it. I was well under the recommended allowance and I hardly ever got properly drunk - for me, the hangovers were never worth it. So I never really questioned whether alcohol was something I wanted in my life.
However over the last few years, I noticed a gradual change in terms of my enjoyment of alcohol. I started to feel a bit anxious about saying the wrong thing or offending someone when I’d had a couple of drinks. Instead of making me feel more confident, alcohol actually made me quieter in a social setting.
It also made me feel very tired. I’d be out for a nice dinner or a few drinks and by 9pm I’d be yawning and ready for bed. Even after dropping off to sleep quite early, I’d wake up the next morning not feeling properly rested. This had a noticeable effect on my mood. I’d lose my temper with the kids a lot more easily. I’d also feel slightly restless and a bit crabby. I struggled to feel focused with my work and found myself picking at food when I wasn’t really hungry.
Before I stopped drinking, I attributed a lot of this to being a middle-aged mum, with the stresses and hormonal changes that are par for the course in this phase of life. Then I listened to a podcast about the effects that alcohol has on your body and brain. I started to wonder if alcohol could have something to do with the way I was feeling, even with the very small amounts that I was drinking.
That's when I decided to stop drinking for 30 days. I thought I’d give it a try and see how I felt. My last drink was a glass of rose on holiday in France with some good family friends. After a fairly wine heavy week, I was very ready for a detox.
It felt like deciding not to drink was quite a big deal initially. I worried that my friends would think I’d become really boring and that my husband would feel a bit solitary when he had his weekend wine. I also didn’t want to come across as sanctimonious or make anyone feel guilty about their own choices around alcohol.
As is usually the case, these worries were largely unfounded.
I still got invited out to social events (and managed to stay up later than I would have had I been drinking). I’ve also not had to pay for a taxi for ages! Most people I’ve spoken to about my decision to have a break from alcohol have been curious about my reasons for doing it. I like to think I’ve given a few of them some food for thought, without coming across as preachy.
My husband actually likes the fact that I don’t drink since it helps him moderate his own drinking. Without me suggesting we open a bottle on a Wednesday and him being unable to leave an opened bottle undrunk, he now generally only has wine on the weekend. He buys himself one nice bottle of red on a Friday and he has to make it last - when it’s gone, it’s gone!
Giving up alcohol turned out to be much easier than I thought it would be and once I got into the swing of it, I didn’t really want to stop. So my 30 day commitment turned into not drinking for the rest of 2024. I did wonder whether I might waiver over Christmas but by that stage, not drinking had become my new norm. I just didn’t feel like I needed it or even wanted it.
I noticed that my sleep really improved and that I was waking up each day feeling well rested and alert. My mood was definitely better and my stress levels dropped right down - little things like bad traffic on the school run and dealing with teenage strops didn’t rattle me as much.
Christmas came and went and I even celebrated my 50th birthday in January without any booze - something I couldn’t have comprehended a few years ago!
So here I am in early March and I’m really happy with my decision to break up with alcohol. Can I say I will never touch another drop? No I can’t. There might well be an occasion in the future when I think that a glass of champagne or excellent wine is really what I feel like. I will own that decision and make sure I feel good about it. I think it will feel a bit like making an extravagant purchase - a real treat and something to savour.
Until that time, I’ll keep going with my self imposed sobriety and will continue to enjoy all the upsides that being a non drinker involves.
